As a Resident Assistant, you will be juggling your residents' needs in relation to the community's needs.  Some of your residents may be living with others for the very first time and most will definitely be living in situations they have never found themselves before.  All of this will inevitably lead to conflict. Conflict often occurs because of any of the following:

• Contrasting communication styles
• Different perceptions and values
• Limited resources
• Stress and pressure
• Lack of community and/or clarity
• Conflict of interests
• Ego Breach of Faith and Trust

Conflict is perceived differently by different people. Some people try to avoid conflict, others seem to seek it out. Some see conflict as dehibilitating and others view it as healthy and necessary. Residential and Dining Services believes conflict can be a productive force that stimulates individuals to increase their knowledge and skills, productivity, adaptability, creativity, and problem-solving abilities. Conflict, when handled effectively, can challenge ideas, spur change and progress, inspire growth, improve communication, and preserve future relationships!

There are times, however, when conflict is counter-productive and unhealthy. Conflict is counter-productive when:

• It is avoided and ignored
• It negatively affects morale and efficiency
• It is expressed as a personal attack
• It creates a hostile living or learning environment
• It shuts down the lines of communication between people
• It creates an environment where others do not feel safe and respected to share their thoughts, needs and perspectives
• It causes resentment, anger, frustration, withdrawal and/or violence
• Behaviors and actions don't change after a conflict is supposedly resolved

There are a number of ways to navigate around conflict when it does emerge in the community and between residents.

1. One-on-one. Many conflicts arise out of miscommunication and assumptions. Therefore, some conflicts can be resolved when people are given the opportunity to express their true intentions/feelings and clear up any confusion. If a resident approaches you with a conflict, suggest they sit down privately with the other person and help them think of effective ways to communicate their frustrations or emotions to the other person. These skills are covered in more detail below.
2. Mediation. A mediator facilitates a process where disputing parties find solutions themselves. Mediation is useful if residents were unable to reach an understanding after meeting privately. As a Resident Assistant, you will be asked to mediate low-level conflicts and disputes.  The mediation process is covered in more detail below.
3. Arbitration. In arbitration, a third party listens to each person's complaints, feelings and wishes and decides on a solution. This is less empowering than mediation, which encourages the parties to create a solution themselves. In binding arbitration, the parties in conflict agree to abide by the decision of the arbitrators.  It is unlikely you will be asked to arbitrate a conflict.

When addressing conflict, the goal is to maximize cooperation and understanding and minimize defensiveness and/or embarrassment. There are several ways to address conflict that is more effective than others - and not surprisingly they are very similar to the active listening skills learned earlier in this handbook. You should adopt the following strategies and encourage your residents to do the same when you are addressing conflict:

• Address disagreements promptly. Do not allow conflict to escalate to the point that neither party has the capacity or desire to resolve it!
• Whenever possible, go to the person(s) you are in dispute with first.  Do not involve other parties unless absolutely necessary.  Give the person the courtesy of trying to resolve the conflict before it escalates and involves the larger community.
• Try not to blindside the person: Give them options, preface the conversation, and if necessary, schedule a time to talk.
• Use "I" statements. When sharing frustrations, speak from your point of view and explain how someone's behavior impacts you. For example, "I feel frustrated when you play your music loudly at night. I cannot sleep." Using "You" statements - like "You always leave the music on!" - creates defensiveness and is not productive to resolving the conflict. 
• Be aware of your body language: Use open posture (do not cross your arms or legs, furrow your brow, etc.) and pay attention to your tone.
• Do paraphrase at the appropriate time to ensure understanding.
• Do not interrupt.  Wait patiently for your turn to speak.
• Thank the person for sharing their perspective, even if you disagree with it.
• Minimize external distractions - turn off phones, devote full attention to person.
• Minimize internal distractions - do not "wait for your turn to speak" - be engaged and attentive, not preparing your rebuttal.
• Take some time to get past the emotional response to the problem: Take a short walk, write out your feelings, grab lunch.

All mediation sessions should provide participants an opportunity to share, listen and resolve. A mediation process typically includes the following components:

1. Facilitator's Opening Statement

• Builds trust in you as the facilitator and in the process
• Sets structure and clarifies the process
• Sets ground rules and expectations for civility

2. Opening Statement by Each Party:

• Uninterrupted time for each person to tell their story from their point of view
• Facilitator restates and clarifies the information shared after each party's opening statement

3.  Response from Each Party:

• Each party responds to what they heard and adds new information
• This is an opportunity to fill out the story and clarify interests and issues
• Facilitator restates after each response

4. Agenda Building:

• List the issues and interests that will need to be talked about to resolve the situation

5. Negotiations:

• Negotiations are future-oriented
• This is an opportunity for the parties to talk with each other and develop ideas about how to repair the problem

6. Agreements:

• These need to be clear and specific and detailed
• Facilitator tests the reality of the agreements

"Mediation is a semi-formal, structured process guided by a neutral third party, which empowers people in conflict to work collaboratively to find mutually satisfying resolution to their dispute.  Mediators are people who intervene in disputes to empower people in conflict to make their own decisions to resolve their dispute for mutual satisfaction"  (The Management of Struggle by Sam Keltner, 1994).

When two residents are unable to come to an agreement or resolution to a conflict on their own, you may be asked to mediate. Your role in the mediation is to remain neutral and encourage respectful and open dialogue between the two parties.  Your role is essentially that of a facilitator: You provide the outline of the conversation, ask thoughtful questions, offer encouragement, and clarify information and facts.  You also monitor civility and progress by addressing destructive language or name-calling (which can only escalate the conflict) and keeping the parties focused on the process.

The people in conflict must come up with the solutions to resolve the conflict or it will not work! It is their conflict: let them take ownership for the solutions and discussion. Encourage and help them to evaluate options and make choices without leading them in your preferred direction.

• Introduce yourself to everyone
• Thank all parties for coming
• Check to see if everyone who needs to be there to solve the problem is there (present parties cannot make decisions for people who are not present)
• Explain the process and share the agenda
• Explain that facilitation is a voluntary process
• Set ground rules, such as no name calling or inflammatory language, no interruptions, and be there in "good faith" - which means a commitment to listen with an open mind, consider all possible solutions, be honest, share pertinent information, and work to solve the problem
• Explain confidentiality and get an agreement
• Explain the role of the facilitator: Neutral, you are an impartial facilitator who is there to guide the process and facilitate the communication. A facilitator is NOT a judge or an advocate, not there to solve the problem for you or to tell you what to do

As a mediator, it is important to ask open-ended questions to guide participants into resolving the conflict productively. Questions you might use include:

• Would you like some help to solve your problem? What do you think will happen if you don't try to solve your problem?
• Is there anything else that you would like to add?
• Is there anything else I need to know?
• How did you feel about that?
• Is there anything you want him/her to know?
• What would you like to see happen now?
• What do you think you can do to solve this problem?
• What could you do next time to avoid this problem?

If the mediation is not successful (and sometimes it will not be - and that usually has nothing to do with you or your skills as a mediator), you can talk to your Resident Director.  The situation may be referred to Evergreen's CARE Network or to an administrator.

• 4.1 Listening & Helping Skills
  
• 4.2 Conflict Resolution
• 4.3 Living Learning Agreements

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